The totally unexpected sheer delicious bliss of falling in love? Thinking about them all day, your heart skipping a beat when you get a message, the days between seeing them feeling like the longest days ever, the world looking more magnificent, not sleeping as you imagine conversations and things you will do together, the huge expansion of your heart, and of course the delight and pure pleasure of hours of kissing?
How did this suddenly happen???? I think it’s all to do with the mindset work I’ve been doing. The better I make myself, the more attractive I am to things I want.
I think the biggest factor right now is the work I’ve been doing on letting love in. And it wasn’t about relationships. It was more about friends and family. I’ve had some big changes over the last 9 months and a couple of friends have not been there or offered any support. That’s ok – we all have a lot going on. So I wanted to invite more positive, loving, inspiring, motivating, fun friends into my life. I bought a rose quartz bracelet. I’ve been drinking ‘love’ tea. I’ve been meditating with ‘I am love’ and other mantras about me being so much love. I’ve done the Ho’oponopono Hawaiian prayer (I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you) and often directed it to myself. I’ve worked on forgiveness. I’ve spent time realising we are all on different journeys at different times. I’ve just read a book about opening your heart – no matter what happens don’t close your heart. I’ve been focussing on what makes me feel good to lift my vibration. To be sending the right energy to the universe to attract back to me the things that matter. The things that make me feel good. I’ve started donating 5% of my salary to a charity. Yes, I would love that play money for more holidays and luxury but do I NEED it? Hell, no. My life is already incredibly full and lucky. I have a view from where I live, I have a beautiful bed to sleep in, warm clothes, a heater, fantastic health, can pay all my bills, buy organic food – I have a rich life. Other people NEED the basics. So giving to them is a win win. It makes me feel good and it helps them. It gives them a chance at more. And it’s all about the flow of energy around money. What goes out comes back. Therefore a lot of my mindset right now is about letting go. Of comparisons, judgements, resentments. I want to be forgiveness. To myself, to people I have loved in the past.
Add in some serious gratitude work. I hold my ‘magic rock’ every night and think about the best thing that has happened to me during the day. When I wake up I give thanks for the marvellous day head, for everything working out wonderfully and for the great news coming to me.
I meditate most days. I repeat affirmations during 15 minutes of stillness – I am enough, the Universe has my back, everything is working out for me, I am love, infinite love and gratitude.
I think all these things add up. But it’s not an overnight shift. It’s not a quick fix. I’ve been focussing on these things for 9 months now.
So I’ve been doing all these things and love found me. Maybe a coincidence and maybe not. Either way I wouldn’t take these daily actions back because they do make feel better. Feel calmer, feel more grace and ease. Feel more appreciation. Feel more loving to humanity. I know and appreciate that my mindset is so much healthier. My heart is happier, fuller and healthier. My way of dealing with my emotions is healthier.
And yes, love was totally unexpected. This was an old work buddy that I was incredibly grateful came back into my life because we were having so much fun together. He was like a new best friend. We talked music, places to go, goals in life, getting out of our comfort zones, running, books, murder mysteries, played cards, watched movies. So much in common. And eventually he was courageous enough to say how he felt. But there was just no spark for me. I couldn’t make it happen. So time went on. But something changed. He kept telling me how he felt and I kept finding excuses. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, there was no spark, I wanted big love forever. Then one morning I woke up after dreaming about him and it was like a light switch had been turned on. His persistence had made me feel good. And that’s my key to everything. He made me feel incredibly cared for and worth fighting for. And my internal work had taught me that all that matters is right here and right now. I had let go of this idea of forever – there are never any guarantees about that. If it was so important for me to focus on here and now in all facets of my life, what on earth made me think that love should be different?
Reflecting on it now, maybe deep down inside I was just scared. And that’s ok. Good to accept that and work with it. And also remind myself that I’ve done more this last 9 months that has scared me than I have done my whole life. And every single one of those things has made my life better. Made me feel good. Scary seems like a very good thing!
I was also enjoying my freedom in many ways. Thinking about moving to NYC at some stage for a bit, being able to have time for work / exercise / cooking / my movies / meditation / writing / learning / coaching – where does one fit a relationship into that? Making decisions about my holidays, when and where I wanted, and time to see friends and family.
But he did such beautiful things constantly. He opens doors. He initiated hand holding. He would remember that I really liked some tea and then bought me tea and flowers for my birthday. He drove to my house twice to give them to me. He’s read the 5 love languages. He likes the odd movies that I like.
He was everything in the list I had made for what I wanted in a relationship:
- Smart
- Healthy (physically and emotionally)
- Kind/generous (in a time/energy/thoughtful way – it’s not about money)
- Interested in the future (making plans, not feeling it’s too late)
- Able to laugh at himself.
So I’m giving it a chance. It’s heaven.
I don’t want this to be a show off tale. I want this to be a reminder that the inner work creates your world. You get to choose how you want your world to be. I want this to be about anything is possible. I want it to inspire you to open your heart and work on your mindset.
And I especially want you all to be reminded that it’s never too late. We don’t need to rush things. 47 seems to be my time. This never would’ve worked at any other time. I wasn’t who I am now. I didn’t have the emotional and mental self awareness. I wasn’t blissfully happy with me. I didn’t know how to make myself and my life wonderful. I now feel so much more in control of who I am, and I know what makes me feel great. Falling in love at 47 seems the perfect age. Someone to share the second (and best) half of your life with. Or not. Someone to share now with and see what happens. Because life is uncertain. We could get hurt. Things might not work. But what if they do? What if? What if we all opened ourselves up to something new? Something a bit scary? Something that might make life feel a little more magical?
The universe knows what you want. I didn’t know it was falling in love. But I couldn’t be more grateful. Dreams can come true (even if you didn’t realise they were your dreams).
Be kind to yourself. Let love in.
Wx
