My weekly challenge last week was …well… challenging actually.  Duh.  Isn’t that how it’s meant to be????!!!!???

In this case it’s a timing thing because it wasn’t meant to be hard.  I gave up alcohol for 7 days, and wanted to do meditation and yoga every day.  For some reason a couple of days into it I decided that no TV for 7 days would be icing on the cake.

All was going along swimmingly and I felt fantastic.  And then I broke up with the guy I was seeing.  Him and I really were focussed on different things and we were on trains heading in the opposite direction.  If I am stepping into a new big life then why would I not do it for every part of my life?  The relationship wasn’t how I wanted a relationship.  Our values were different.  So I ended it.  And then I had a couple of really tough lonely nights.  I couldn’t do the usual escape of getting drunk or watching trashy TV.  I had finished my easy novel and the next novel was a bit tougher to get into and needed concentration.  What do you do when you are feeling awful and sad and questioning your decision and wondering what on earth will happen to you?

Well, you sit with yourself.  You have no other choice.  And it’s incredibly difficult.  It’s painful.  It’s awkward.  It’s slow.  It’s sad.  It’s scary.  But I didn’t want to give up my weekly challenge.  I don’t challenge myself very often so it was important to me to not let myself down – and to not let you down either.  I want to be a great person.  So I guess that means acting like a great person. What would one of my role models do in this situation?  They would sit with it.  So I did. I wrote in my journal.  All the good and all the bad and all the feelings and all the why and everything I expect to gain.  I went to bed exhausted.  And maybe it was so hard for me because I don’t have a lot of history of dealing with emotions and feelings.  We didn’t discuss them growing up.  So even at 46 it’s kinda new to me.  I’m also in a strange place with some of my friendships and I’m not a person to ask for help, so I didn’t turn to anyone for support.

But interestingly I woke up the next day a little lighter.  Instead of my usual self, hungover and feeling like rubbish physically and emotionally, I felt fine physically (still just a bit tired from big changes) and emotionally I still didn’t feel great but no where near as bad as the night before.  So did this turn out to be a blessing in disguise?  For me, yes.  Actually dealing with the feelings, sitting with them, working through each one, looking at them from all angles and feeling them, started the healing process.  I was feeling sorry for myself but turns out I was actually helping myself.  Absolutely fascinating.  Some of you might be thinking this is so bleeding obvious, but I’m a late bloomer in this regard.  And I’m happy to be learning it now.  It’s never too late.  Feeling totally alone has given me confidence and strength.  It’s going to give the second half of my life more lightness.  Less burden.

What do you do with your feelings?  How do you cope on the tough days?  Have challenges in your life actually turned out to be a positive?  Have negative events ever made your life better?

Be kind to yourself.

Wx