I know I seem to go on about this running thing, but it’s just blowing my mind. Every time I do it, I come out completely stunned and deliriously proud that I’ve done it. OMG yes, it’s so hard and it’s awful and it’s the biggest ever work out for my brain. Which I find so fascinating, it’s not my body dying, it’s my brain telling me my body is dying and I don’t like it and I should stop. Why do I listen to my brain when my body is really ok?
I went to my 3rd training session last night. Oh and it was hard!!!!!! But it was short bursts of hard which I think are easier to manage for your mind. But I can do it, I can keep up with people. The biggest learning is that it’s not about keeping up with people. That’s what I thought it was about. It’s just about SHOWING UP. Just giving it a go. There are people that aren’t fast, but they are part of the community and they work hard and they feel better for it. We ALL go home feeling good about ourselves. Is there anything else in life we want but to feel good about ourselves? Where is a rule written that we can only do things if we are good at them? WHERE???!!!!??!!
Same with spin I guess. 15 or so years ago I did a class and was terrible and could barely put any resistance on the bike and thought I was going to vomit, so I never went back. And now I’m coming in nearly the top half of classes. But how? But why? Maybe it’s an age thing. Maybe we are better in our 40s? Bollocks, WE ARE BETTER in our 40s. And I firmly believe we are going to be better in our 50s as well. So much information out there about how we know ourselves so much better. And with some focus on improving our mindsets we can let go of the negative thoughts and feel so much more positive about everything. So much more optimistic about the future. We know how to nurture our bodies better. We know how to look after ourselves. We can most definitely be better in our 40s, then our 50s and then our 60s. Not sure about 70s, give me 22 years and I’ll get back to you on that one. I think the same lesson applies, let’s just give it a go and see what we might be capable of doing. What we might be capable of enjoying. What might make us feel good. Even make us feel great. What we might even improve at if we bother to keep showing up and practicing. Where is the rule that says we have to be good at the beginning? No one plays advanced piano the first time they give it a go. They practice. Let’s show up and practice. And high five ourselves afterwards for actually doing it. It was new and a little scary but we showed up and put in the effort to become better.
It’s funny, most of the business people I look up to, are all A type high achievers that did huge corporate (or other) achievements before starting their own businesses. They were just generally straight A students and great at everything they did. I find it so hard to relate to these people. I’ve been average. Not in a bad way, just a normal human being, better at some things, not so good at other things. But to finally let myself give things a go, rather than feel I’m not good enough, I’m not one of them, I’m average, is the best feeling in the world. It gives me freedom. It gives me pride. It fills my heart with joy. And mostly it just shocks the pants off me. I kind of cannot believe it. I’d never done it before and surely at 47 you are too old to start these sorts of things. What a load of rubbish. Where did we get this idea of ‘I am too old’ for it. Where, why? Good lord, I want this thought banished from my head, never to return. I want to wear what I want to wear and not worry what anyone thinks (this might be a slow process to really get to this place but why not try!!!). I want to be ok coming last. Because at least I was there. That’s better than the other billion people that aren’t even there.
It’s also kind of funny how much running scares me. I get sooooooo nervous. Apologies for too much information, but before Park Run on Saturdays at 8am, I somehow manage to do 3 poos. It’s crazy. What am I scared of? I get so nervous. I think it’s about looking bad. But rationally, everyone that turns up looks good, because they turned up! I might need to delve a little deeper into this one because surely the energy I expend on being nervous would be much better used while running! And being nervous for something really scary, like jumping out of a plane (see pics here) would make a lot more sense. When it’s not even the first time at training why am I nervous? I think it’s because I get scared I wont be able to do it. But I’m ALLOWED to have a break if it gets too much, why are so many of us so bad at allowing ourselves to do what we need/want to do? What have we got to prove? Why do we end up with such large insecurities when we are all incredible human beings in our own right? We don’t need to be Oprah or Mother Teresa to make a difference. Our small greatness has a ripple effect on the world – so why not let ourselves show up?
So who cares if you can’t run, can’t sing, can’t dance, can’t draw, can’t decorate, can’t cook, can’t yoga, can’t write, can’t learn, can’t organise, can’t declutter, can’t (insert your thing here). What if you could? What if you gave it a go????? What if it made you feel good about yourself? Because the activity made you feel good but also because you were brave enough to do it? Because it makes your heart sing? Your heart full? Full of joy and love and bliss.
And even thinking about a marathon, what do you think about the person that comes first and the person that comes last? I now think that the person that comes first is just an incredibly talented runner which is amazing, and how lucky they are, but it’s the person that comes in last looking like they are about to die that tugs at your heart strings. That makes you cry because they have been such a hero for them. Because they have worked so hard, for so long, to get there. And it shows that they are exhausted and it shows that they are proud. And imagine how good they must feel about themselves when it doesn’t come easy.
Funnily enough I know this amazing woman @ktmems and I always wondered why she half kills herself to run so many marathons, including in wild places, when she gets injured, and it looks so hard, and she has to be so determined and disciplined to be training at 5.30am every morning. BUT today I finally get it. It’s because she can! Not because she’s the best. But because she can. And it will never ever matter where she comes, it’s the showing up, going further than you thought you ever could, that makes you feel so bloody good about yourself. I’ll say it again, what else matters in life than feeling good about yourself????
What might be possible for you? What might you be able to change from ‘I can’t’, to let’s just have a go? Let’s be curious. Let me feel good about myself for standing up and giving it a go.
Be kind to yourself,
Wxx
PS just for the record, if I am really practicing what I preach (about doing things even if you are terrible at them), I am going to singing lessons this year. Anyone that knows me, knows how bad I am… but hey, why can’t I learn to be better? Not the best? Just better…. Isn’t that the whole idea of going to a lesson? To learn?
