So you’ll see this as my sign off for all posts.  Interestingly this morning I felt like a bit of a hypocrite because I actually need to be telling myself this very important message.

I’ve been so anxious and uncomfortable since I launched my blog out into the world and I’ve been trying to work out why.  The night after I put it out there I did the right thing by celebrating my big achievement – french champagne, cheese platter and then oysters and prawns.  But still it didn’t feel quite ‘right’.  I ended up going to bed early and crying for about 2 hours.  Odd behaviour when I should be feeling so much pride about my achievement.  (And I was planning a new post called Pride and Achievement in my head!!!).

So I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to work out where these feelings come from.  And I guess doing something so new and so totally out of your comfort zone is always going to be challenging in many ways.  But this what I’ve come up with for me:

1. It totally goes against all my childhood messages.  Don’t put yourself out there, who do you think you are to give advice to other people, don’t rock the boat, listen to the experts etc etc.  I think I am feeling I am not supposed to be doing this.  I am not the expert.  So I’m feeling a bit like a fraud.
2. I was so good at my last job.  So good I was bored in fact.  So instead of feeling incredibly proud of myself for my big, brave, new adventure, I’ve got a voice in the back of my head saying it’s not good enough.  What difference can you make?  You’re an absolute beginner.  So does that mean I shouldn’t be doing it?  What a bloody ridiculous idea.  How can we ever do anything new if we expect to be the best as soon as we start?  What is the point to learning or growth or change if we can’t accept the process to go from novice to expert.  Do we even have to be an expert to make a difference?
3. I’ve realised that now I’ve truly committed to trying a new life that many other things are going to change as well – and there is going to be some loss.  Loss of my comfortable easy secure job, loss of people in an office to hang out with all the time, loss of wasting someone else’s time, loss of relationships that don’t fit in with who I am, loss of things being easy all the time, right now loss of regular income, right now loss of real holidays/taking time off because I have so much to do to grow me and grow my business.  So I need to accept and honour the loss and treat it with respect – feel it and go through the grief process.  And that’s ok.  It’s all part of change.  And generally grief is change.
4. And is it too much change?  Did I finally reach my personal limit for right now?  I think I’ve been dealing surprisingly well making friends with freedom and uncertainty.  But maybe this concreted the uncertainty and the goals/dreams I have – maybe it’s made my dreams so real I am scared of failure.

What if we can change all these thoughts and assumptions?  What if it is time to let go of childhood messages that no longer make us feel great and instead focus on our greatness?  And celebrate everything new and brave and even having the guts to give it a go?  What if we don’t fail?  Why does success have to be the measure of so many things these days?  Why not curiosity and putting yourself out there no matter what the outcome?  Isn’t failure a learning tool?  I don’t think it’s a measure of you as a person.  Isn’t failure actually a success in many ways? Isn’t it a good thing to keep trying new things to keep you excited and passionate about the world until you find something that is totally you.  Totally your niche.  Totally what you are meant to be doing.  And it’s probably a winding path so there isn’t such a thing as failure – just a change in direction when that particular fork in the road didn’t take you somewhere that brought you happiness.

And what if, the biggest what if, we focussed on giving ourselves positive feedback for the great things we are doing all the time instead of looking for the negatives in absolutely everything?  Why, why, why?  Why can’t we appreciate and revel in all of our wonderfulness.  Why must we pick everything apart and ONLY focus on the negatives?  Isn’t it time to become our own cheerleaders?  To support, encourage, love, inspire and praise ourselves?  What if we actually were kind to ourselves?  How would that change how we feel about everything?  How would it change the world?

Be kind to yourself (and that goes for me too!!!!)

Wx