I set myself a goal to write a post for my blog once a fortnight this year. I now need to do one every week to get to 26 (i.e. one a fortnight). As the pressure sets in, suddenly I have nothing to say. I start typing and think I have a great idea and I write a few paragraphs before I realise it’s going no where. There is no point. But then a-ha, suddenly a new idea pops into my head and I start writing that. Same result. There is just no point. No reason. No story. No end. No wisdom. No saving of the world.

And there it is. The pressure we put on ourselves to make things better and better. I’ve written over a hundred blog posts in a couple of years and done over 1,000 instagram posts yet up it pops. That judgemental expectation monster so many of us have. It’s reared its ugly head. It’s telling me I have to add value to everyone that reads it. It has to not only add value but aim for life changing. BE life changing in fact. Oh really? That’s what my role models did? Every one of their pieces of writing changed my life? No, I didnt think so. So how come I suddenly think I must be god to be worthwhile?

Is it a thing from school? Because we got rewarded every time we went up a level?

Is it part of our struggle for purpose and meaning? Proving why we are here on the earth? Is it a form of procrastination? Is it being a perfectionist?

Why do I think I need to have all the answers? Be the rescuer, the fixer, even (do I embarrassingly say this..) the saviour? Why does this keep popping up? The lesson keeps coming up so I can learn it. And my lesson is that we help others by helping them to help themselves. If we do things for people, we disempower them. I’m not here to rescue or save people. I don’t personally change lives. I can and do support people to change their own lives is the fact of the matter.

And then, of course, hands up, who gets back into the rut of beating themselves up because the same thing keeps happening? I’m not good enough, I can never learn, I can never change (insert own not something here).

Funny how it sneaks in. I was feeling really calm and moving forward and one foot in front of the other. And I constantly had in my head never give up, most small businesses fail within the first couple of years, it’s the ones that keep going despite how difficult it is. I have been doing that and being that person. But the doubt creeps in. And like weeds begins to grow.

What do we do? How do we deal with being stuck and that we might as well give up? We weed the garden. Plant new seeds. Work on putting the positive messages back in our head. Remind ourselves of our goodness – our achievements and our strengths. Weeds take over if they aren’t controlled. Same with the thoughts in your head. The negative has so much to feed on it gets out of hand. We need to tend the garden to slowly get rid of the negative. How? Plant the positive – water, feed, nurture the positive. Don’t let the new positive thoughts go without the water. Focus on them constantly. Remember them. Speak them, feel them.

I am weeding this morning. I am praising myself for this realisation. And accepting it is going to keep coming. Because weeds always grow. It’s up to us to keep them under control and maybe even put down some bark to stop them coming through. To plant healthy grass. A beautiful lawn. Something that stops weeds, becomes the foundation for our mind. For our thoughts and beliefs. something that allows us to bloom as the beauties we are.

Happy planting and gardening day!

Be kind to yourself.

Wxx